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I just stared at him, unable to believe what I was hearing.  Are you serious?
He made a face.  Fuck, yeah. I m certainly not taking the floor.
With a short laugh, I shook my head. Only Ten could make me smile at a time like this.  I mean,
about the whole thing? This is a big deal, Ten. This would fucking save my life, but it d be a huge
change. For you too. Are you sure about them coming back with us?
He shrugged as if it was nothing.  I mean, they re going to be squished in my half backseat on the
ride there, but hell, why not?
Squeezing my eyes shut, I covered my face with my hands as the relief nearly buckled my knees.
 Thank you. Oh, fuck. Thank you so much, man. I ll never be able to repay you for this.
CHAPTER THIRTHY-THREE
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some
stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end." - Gilda Radner
~ASPEN~
I was hollow. An empty shell.
Staring down at the graves of both of my parents, I wondered why I wasn t crying, why I hadn t
shed one tear over their deaths.
Next to me, Rita sniffed into a tissue and dabbed her eyes. I reached out and patted her arm, trying
to offer a measure of comfort, but how did I offer anything when I had nothing? Felt nothing?
The past few days had been a complete blur. After  resigning from my position at Ellamore, I d
gone home and packed a bag, ready to leave town for a few days to, I don t know, find myself.
Recalibrate my life. Make plans for the future.
Hide from Noel.
But my housekeeper had called when I was stuffing a handful of jeans into my luggage. And now
my biggest fear had come true. My parents had died before telling me they loved me or even showing
they cared. I knew I should ve felt destroyed, lost, alone, hopeless. But no. Nothing. There was just a
big, blank void, a vacancy where they d never filled my heart.
I d been braced to hear about my father. In the hospital with pneumonia, losing his leg to diabetes,
I knew this fate was most likely coming for him. But that wasn t how he d died at all.
Mother had actually been driving him home from the hospital when they d had a head-on collision
on the freeway. Both dead. Instantly.
Shocked much? Oh, yeah. I was definitely in a state of utter shock. Maybe that s why I was so
numb. Or maybe I was just a heartless shrew. Maybe Mallory and Richard Kavanagh had rubbed off
and I could never feel anything again.
But then I thought of Noel, and I knew that wasn t true. Because just from drawing forth his face in
my mind, I was no longer numb. I was aching and broken.
My parents might not have ever shown me love, but I did know love now. I knew how it felt to
find someone worth living for, to risk everything for that love, and to sacrifice everything for it. It
was beautiful and amazing. So I no longer craved it from the two bodies lying in this cold, hard
ground. They could take their brand of love with them, wherever they went.
I tossed a rose into each open grave and turned away, ready to be finished with this. Only a dozen
other people were present at the cemetery. I recognized colleagues of Richard s and Mallory s
Zach s father stood near the back but that was it. No friends, no other family. Just work ties.
A rustling came behind me, and I knew Rita was hurrying to catch up with me. I slowed enough
for her to reach my side, then I hooked my arm through hers, and we made our way to the black ride
awaiting us.
 Am I an awful person, Rita? I wondered aloud.
Warm fingers surrounded mine and squeezed hard.  Why would you think such a thing, child?
 They raised me, I said.  They kept me healthy and clothed me, put a house over my head. They
paid for my education and helped me get a good start on life. I wouldn t have anything if it weren t for
them. So shouldn t I owe them more than this? Shouldn t I...mourn?
 Oh, honey. You re just in shock. Denial is a very real stage in grieving.
I shook my head.  No. No. I know they re gone. I know... I would never see them again. Stopping
twenty feet from the car while it was still just the two of us, I turned to her.  I m relieved, I finally
confessed.  I spent my entire life, worried about disappointing them, striving to gain their love. And
now...now I m free. I lost my job this week, and my biggest fear was how I was going to tell them.
But I don t have to worry about that now. I never have to worry about winning their approval again.
Rita clucked her tongue and pulled me in for a hug.  This is my fault. I should ve nurtured you
more. I never should ve let them intimidate me into keeping my distance. You were always such a [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]