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certain that she wouldn't have to worry about Dawson following her. The very set of his head had told
her that he wouldn't.
She ordered coffee and soup and then sat barely touching it while she relived her stupidity. Would she
never learn that Dawson might want her body, but never her heart? This was the second time she'd
given in to him. She'd gotten pregnant the very first. Would she, from something so insanely
pleasurable? It seemed almost fated that such an experience would produce a child, even if he didn't
love her...
Her hand touched her flat stomach and she let herself dream for a space of precious seconds, her eyes
closed. Dawson's child, in her body. It would be wonderful to be pregnant again. Somehow she'd
carry the child to term. Even if she had to stay in bed forever, she wouldn't lose it...!
She opened her eyes and came back to her senses. No. She removed her hand. She was being fanciful.
It wouldn't happen, and even if it did, how would she cope? Dawson didn't want her. She repeated that,
refusing to recall his anguish at her loss of their first child, his hunger for a baby. She couldn't let
herself dream about Dawson's reaction if he knew she was pregnant. Besides, she thought, lightning
rarely struck twice.
She'd simply go back to Tucson and forget Dawson. She'd done it once before. She could do it again!
Eight
But it wasn't that easy to forget him. Barrie had started losing her breakfast the day she got back to
Tucson, just as she had after that disastrous night in France. She, who never had nausea a day in her
life! She'd been home for two weeks now, and it hadn't stopped. It was the absolute end, she thought as
she bathed her face at the sink, the absolute end that she could get pregnant so easily with him.
Now that lightning did appear to strike twice, what in the world was she going to do?
She hadn't let any of her lukewarm suitors know she was back in town, so there were no phone calls.
She didn't have to worry about a part-time job because, apparently, Dawson had settled the deal with
Leslie Holton over her tract of land. He'd have those water rights and he could keep his cattle on the
Bighorn land that Barrie owned with him.
Her eyes went to the emerald engagement ring he'd given her such a short time ago. She hadn't meant
to take it with her, she'd meant to leave it, but she'd been upset at the time, and she'd forgotten about it.
She would have to send it back. Her fingers touched the beautiful ring and she sighed as she thought
about what might have been. How wonderful if Dawson had bought her a set of rings years ago,
knowing that she loved emeralds, if he'd bought them with love and asked her to marry him and told
her that he loved her. Oh, what lovely dreams. But it was reality she had to face now.
She curled up in an armchair, still a little nauseous, and began to make decisions. She could go on
teaching, presumably, although it was going to be tricky, under the circumstances. She would be an
unwed mother and that wouldn't sit well considering the profession she followed. What if she lost her
job? The money she got from her share of George Rutherford's estate, while it helped make her life
comfortable, was hardly enough to completely support her. She couldn't risk losing her job. She'd
have to move somewhere else, invent a fictitious husband who'd deserted her, died...!
Her stomach churned and she swallowed a rush of nausea. How shocking to be able to tell that she
was pregnant so soon after conception, she thought. But it had happened just that way after she'd
returned from France. In fact, in some mysterious way, she'd known even while Dawson was taking
her. Her eyes closed. Taking her. Taking her. She could feel the harsh thrust of his muscular body, feel
all over again the insane pleasure that had spread into her very blood.
She made a sound deep in her throat and opened starkly wounded eyes as the knock on the door
coincided with her groan.
She blinked away the memories and got up, swaying a little as she made her way to the door. She
didn't want company. She didn't want to talk at all. She leaned her forehead against the cold wood and
looked through the peephole. Her heart froze in her chest.
"Go away!" she cried hoarsely, wounded to the heart that Dawson should be standing there.
He looked toward the door, his face pale and set. "I can't."
That was all he said, and not very loudly, but she heard him. Surely he wouldn't know, couldn't know.
She smiled at that naive imagining. Of course, he knew, she thought fatally as she sighed and
unlocked the door. There was some mysterious mental alchemy that had always allowed them to share
their thoughts.
She didn't look up as he entered the apartment, bareheaded, reserved. She closed it and turned away, to
sit back down in the armchair.
He stood over her, his hands in the pockets of his gray suit and looked at her pale, pinched face. Her
lack of makeup and the dark circles under her eyes told their own story.
"I know," he said uncomfortably. "God only knows how, but I do."
She looked up, her wounded eyes searching his pale, glittery ones. She shrugged and stared at her
clenched hands instead. She was barefoot, wearing a loose dress instead of jeans, because of the
nausea. He probably knew that, too.
He let out a long, rough sigh and sat down on the sofa opposite her, leaning toward her with his hands
clasped over his knees.
"We have to make some quick decisions," he said after a minute.
"I'll manage," she said tightly.
He turned the diamond horseshoe ring on his right hand. "You're an educator. Not the most liberal of
professions. You won't get that promotion. You may not even
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be able to keep your job, despite the enlightenment of modern life." He looked up, his pale green eyes
lancing into her own. "I want this baby," he said gruffly. "I want it very much. And so do you. That has
to be our first concern."
She couldn't believe this was happening, that he was so certain, that she was pregnant. "You can't tell
until six weeks. It's only been two," she began, faintly embarrassed. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]