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anyone about that. How at a certain place along the Dunkill, near where he
thought they d camped that fateful night, he felt a sharp twinge in his back. He
always blamed overworked muscles, because it never lasted. But it was always
in the same place in his back, like a physical reminder of some forgotten pain.
 Do you? Roman asked again.
He couldn t speak through the lump in his throat, so Lee nodded yes.
 None of these things are coincidences, Lee, I swear. It s all tied together.
56
Frozen
 My grief makes it snow, Lee said, and the words sounded ridiculous as
soon as he spoke. Ridiculous and perfectly reasonable, given the fact that Roman
was there at all, older but with the exact same clothes and bruises.
 That was an unexpected side effect, Roman said.  The snow.
 Side effect of what?
Roman twisted his head to look at the window on the far side of the tele-
vision, as though the answer lay outside in the storm. Waning daylight created
deep shadows across the living room and made a pocket of light around them
this close to the fireplace. His body seemed to fold in on itself, weighed down
by emotion or exhaustion or both. When he turned back to face Lee, Roman s
eyes glittered with tears.
 You scared the hell out of me that night, Roman said.
Lee blinked hard, unsure he d heard correctly.  I scared you?
 You got so mad when you saw the bruises from my dad. You threatened
to kill him, and it wasn t the first time, either.
 I despised him for everything he d ever done to hurt you. I wanted to hurt
him back, more than you know.
 I do know. You loved me so much it scared me. I was terrified you d do
something, and I d lose you.
Lee reached between them and grasped Roman s hand, squeezing hard.  You
wouldn t have lost me. We were in it together, remember? No matter what.
 I didn t want Dad to hurt me ever again, either. After his birthday, I really
thought he d kill me next time he got the chance.
Something significant hung in the air between them, strung there by
Roman s words, but Lee couldn t see it. Couldn t decipher the code. The memo-
ries were lost, buried beneath fear and trauma, and he desperately wanted them
back. Lee had shown up injured and alone; Roman was declared missing; Mr.
Carmichael was found near the woods with no alibi for the night before. Three
points of a triangle, its lines obscured and unformed. Lee s heart ached.
 Why are you here? he asked in a small voice.
Roman tensed, but didn t let go of Lee s hand. If anything, he clutched it
tighter.  To make the snow stop. To fix this, so you can stop looking for me.
Betrayal rose up in Lee, hot and bitter.  You re not staying. It wasn t a
question; he knew the answer. He d fooled himself all day thinking otherwise,
too afraid to ask because he hadn t wanted to know for certain.
A pained cry wrenched itself from Roman s throat.  I want to, but I can t.
I can t do it. I thought maybe& but I can t.
57
A. M. Arthur
 Why? What can t you do?
Roman looked him in the eye, utter grief in his expression, and he was
fifteen again. Fifteen and betrayed by a father who should have loved him, and
had instead tried to kill him. Fifteen and still so innocent in their budding
romance. It tore Lee s heart in half and left it bleeding, mourning for the boy
he d loved. Terrified for the man that boy had become. And so very confused
about what it was that Lee himself wanted.
No, that wasn t true.
Roman. He wanted Roman. Always had, always would. And he d fight to
keep him there.
Unable to hold still any longer, Lee tugged Roman forward, into a tight hug.
Roman s chest heaved and his body trembled, but he wasn t crying. Lee shook
too, overcome with emotion. Confusion. Love. Fear. They rocked together in
the heat of the fire. Lee didn t know how to convince Roman to stay, not when
he didn t know where he d been or was going back to or why, but he could
enjoy having Roman right now. Lee could hold him, comfort him, make love
to him until the answers came or their time ran out. All he truly wanted was
Roman safe in his arms.
The rocking became cuddling, and then their sweaters were too hot in front
of the roar of the fire and those were taken off. Holding turned to kissing, and
Lee lost himself in the taste and feel of Roman s mouth, in the tang of tomato
and sweetness of cola. The stroke of his tongue. In the delicious way Roman s
rough skin scratched at Lee s chin and cheeks and upper lip. The shortness of
breath. The hot hand hard against the small of his back, under his t-shirt, skin [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]