[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

staircase backwards.
 Lookin good, wolf boy, Krallick called from the office.
 Nice accident.
Since he had no other preparations to make, Danny saw no reason to return to his
locker. Instead, he revved his engine and started for the pig pit, where the team gathered
before each game to ask the metal gods for a brutal victory. A few of his teammates
already knelt in the pit.
They suckled on the pig s feet protruding from the walls.
Above them, Goyle Flex s skeleton hung upside-down on a cross made of
Country Vampire tongues. Danny suddenly felt giddy. Tonight, he realized, he had a
chance to fulfill his childhood dream of being a star player. If he somehow found a way to
honor the legend of Goyle Flex in tonight s game, his own reputation might be set for
life.
Danny s hood opened up and a huge furry tongue unraveled from the engine. It
licked at the pig s feet and they tasted good to Danny.
Chapter Eleven
The Old Time Country Vampires won the coin toss and chose to receive the ball
first. The special teams units took the field as Back in Black blared from the massive
speakers lining the home side of the stadium. Cheerleaders on each side kicked up their
legs and flashed the crowd, all part of their usual kickoff routines.
Despite the cheers he received from the girls out in the parking lot, none of
Danny s teammates had spoken to him. He figured they must be suspicious of his
accident, maybe even jealous. Whatever the case, he hoped to prove them wrong soon
enough.
Danny drowned out all the surrounding noise by adjusting the volume knob on his
radio. He listened to Holy Diver on repeat. It soothed the machine heart that beat
nervously beneath his hood.
Kickoff!
The ball sailed across the field. The kick returner waved for a fair catch and
caught the ball just shy of the twenty yard line. A referee blew a whistle, beckoning Old
Time s offense and Heavy Metal s defense onto the field as the special teams units rushed
off.
Both teams huddled about ten yards away on opposite sides from where the
referee placed the football. Danny stood on the sideline, trying to forget how much the
next few hours would change his life.
Chapter Twelve
In the commentary booth:
Biff Bifferson: Here we are at Goyle Stadium for the thirty-first consecutive
conference championship between the Heavy Metal High Death Crusaders and the Old
Time Country Vampires. It s been a tragic day for the Death Crusaders. Just this morning,
they lost star quarterback Moose Elwood in a fatal accident. Moose s legend will live on,
but all of us will miss him. Replacing Moose at quarterback is Danny the werewolf.
Although Danny has only played in scrimmage games, it appears that he showed up
prepared to throw down the horns tonight, fresh from a mighty fine accident. And
speaking of tragic days, my wife of five years walked out on me this morning. She insists
that I drink too much. I say what does she know. I m a sportswriter with a bad back. My
wife, she
Beelzebub: Biff Bifferson, can we focus on the game?
Biff Bifferson: Oh, right. It s just my wife. I can t stop thinking about her, so of
course I slipped a few nips of the grain before coming in, if you know what I mean. You
know what I mean, don t you?
Beelzebub: Old Time won the coin toss and called for a fair catch at their own
eighteen yard line. The Country Vampires offense and Death Crusaders defense have
taken to the field.
Biff Bifferson: By the way, did you catch Maiden s tour dates? I swear, Bruce
puts the DICK in Dickinson.
Beelzebub: The Vampires are set at the line of scrimmage.
It s a quick snap. The handoff goes to running back Turbo Ginn. Ginn takes it for
a short gain.
Biff Bifferson: Like that pro-STD metal band, Hell s Crabs. Somebody should
tell those cocksuckers that syphilis is never metal.
Beelzebub: Shutup, Biff Bifferson. Starting quarterback for Old Time is Whiskey
Nash, who broke Goyle Flex s state record for passing touchdowns this season. I ll tell
you, I ve been watching Nash all season and this kid is the real deal. Other starters for the
Vampires include running back Turbo, the twelve foot tall bruiser, and wide receiver
Marcus Aurelius. Nobody else on the offense scores enough on or off the field for anyone
listening in Radioland to care.
Biff Bifferson: What about that Heavy Metal defense, Bub? Tell  em about those
whippersnappers.
Beelzebub: Leading the defense are the Siamese twin linebackers, Bert and
Bartholomew Spielman. Let s get back to the action on the field.
Biff Bifferson: If I hadn t been wrong about these things before, I d swear that
duo s going pro.
Beelzebub: What a pass! Whiskey Nash connects with Marcus Aurelius for a
twenty yard gain.
Biff Bifferson: Fuck professionalism.
Beelzebub: Biff Bifferson, you can t say that on the air.
First and ten on the thirty-eight yard line.
Biff Bifferson: There goes Turbo Ginn! Fuck some chickens, boy!
Beelzebub: The Spielman twins make the tackle. Old Time has first and ten on
the fifty yard line.
Biff Bifferson: I swear, this year s Country Vampires are going to give the Death
Crusaders a serious run for their drug money.
Beelzebub: We can t talk about drugs on the air either.
Biff Bifferson: Beer money, then.
Beelzebub: They re minors. They can t drink beer.
Biff Bifferson: Go fuck yourself, you old fly.
Beelzebub: The game, Biff Bifferson. Focus on the game.
Biff Bifferson: This one is bound to be a classic. Classically bad, maybe. We ve
yet to see what kind of chops this Danny Werewolf character is packing. Except on his
face!
Beelzebub: Please, Biff Bifferson. Refrain from making fun of the werewolf s
sideburns.
Chapter Thirteen [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]